Tag Archives: Entertainment

I’ve Created a Monster!

frankenstein

No, this isn’t a six-foot-tall Frankenstein’s monster that runs amuck and attacks unsuspecting villagers.  She’s about five foot nothing and sneaks in a “joke” when you’re not looking.

Used to be, I was the one being a smart-ass, telling jokes, and making light of the world around me.  Of course, my children inherited my sense of humor and we’ve formed an alliance of like-minded mockery.  My wife has always been the down-to-earth no-nonsense person that kept us on the straight and narrow.  She was the straight man to our comical antics.

I blame myself for her slide into tomfoolery.  I thought she was like the Rock of Gibraltar in her resistance to our raillery, but it turns out even the strongest stone has its limits.

It started out with the odd joke (and I do mean odd) at the dinner table.  All forks would pause, and three sets of eyes swiveled to study this strange creature who had appeared in our midst.  The jokes escalated into quips, then wisecracks, and finally into full-on mischief-making and horseplay.  I swear if she slides into punning I’m moving out.  A man has to draw the line somewhere.

Now she’s telling jokes and laughing hysterically, and I’m the one with the straight face wondering how this came to pass.  Doesn’t she know her role?  She’s supposed to roll her eyes when I say something stupid, not the other way around.

This straight man gig is for the birds.

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Filed under Humor, musings

What’s Your Age Animal?

An old guy called me Sir the other day and I about fell over.  What the hell!

Okay, he was probably younger than me (maybe?).  I admit I suck at guessing ages, but he was definitely beyond middle-age and had no business showing me old-man respect.  Yeah, so my hair is more grey than black these days, and I’m sure my hairstyle is what they call vintage, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready to be put out to pasture (Actually, that doesn’t sound so bad).

I just don’t feel that old.  I was talking to my mom about this the other day, and she said she doesn’t feel her age either.  I don’t think this is uncommon.  According to a (fairly) recent study:   Older people tend to feel about 13 years younger than their chronological age.

Okay, that makes sense.  So even if this guy was ten years younger than me, I’m thinking he’s older.  Not because I’m hung up on age, but because I’m just as deluded as the rest of the old people out there.  That (kinda) makes me feel better.

To be honest, I rarely think about age, or how old I am.  My wife says I lie about my age all the time, but I really just forget that I had another birthday (or two).  And this isn’t a new thing.  I was thirty-five for something like five years before I remembered (she reminded me) that I was older.

This thinking I’m younger than I am stuff is too confusing.  I think I’ll just come up with my own aging methodology.  If I feel younger than I am then I’ll just start using another scale.  You know, like human years vs. dog years.  They say one year for a dog is like seven for a human, but that’s not quite right.  There’s an actual chart and everything.  While my wife says I’m a dog sometimes I’d be about 8 if I went by the dog chart.  So I decided to look around at the different animal-to-human age comparisons to see which one works better:

  • Sheep – 10 — Still a bit young and I’ve not ever been one to follow the herd.
  • Pig – 10 — All men are pigs, right? Still too young though.
  • Donkey – 17 — While I’ve been known to act like an ass a time or two, it’s still a bit young (Although 17 wouldn’t be bad, I doubt I could pull it off).
  • Elephant – 32 — Now that sounds more like it.

So from now on, I’m going to convert my age to Elephant years.  It makes sense in a way because the older I get the more round I become (It has nothing to do with the Reese’s Cups), and besides elephants are my wife’s favorite animal.

I’m all set for the next time some fortyish dude calls me Sir.  I’ll just give him a look and say, “Yo, I’m thirty-two bro.”  Then I’ll stomp past him trumpeting in triumph.

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Filed under Humor, musings

Reserve your Copy!

 

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The Eastern Factor: Kingdom of Haven book 3 is now available for pre-order on Amazon.  Go ahead and reserve a copy.

And if you need more reading material, The Order of the Wolf (Book 1) is still available as part of the Secret Worlds – Fantasy Giveaway along with 61 other fantasy titles.

It’s snowing here in Charlotte today and in this part of the country we roll up the sidewalks and hunker down with just the rumor of snow (and don’t forget to buy all the bread and milk you can carry).  What better day to curl up under a warm blanket with a bunch of e-books to keep you company?  It beats scraping your car windows and shoveling the driveway.

You might as well make some nice french toast with all that bread and milk you have hoarded up too.

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Filed under Books, Fantasy, Free, Reading

Silence is Golden

This year I’ll have been married for thirty glorious years.  Yes, with the same woman.  We know each other better than peanut butter knows jelly.  Our secret to staying together is that we have a system worked out.  I know she’s going to tell me how to do something (everything), and she knows I’m going to ignore her sometimes (most times).

Unfortunately, our system has been on the fritz for a couple of months.  My wife’s been sick since Thanksgiving with the crud that’s been floating around Charlotte and has lost her voice for much of that time (and much of her energy).

You can imagine my dismay with the situation.  I keep glancing at her out of the corner of my eye (while playing on my PS4), waiting for the inevitable instructions that never come.  It’s unnerving I tell you.  I’m paralyzed with inaction (or maybe I’m lazy, you decide).

Well the other day, she walked up to me with a big smile on her face and said, “I have my voice back.”  Her elation was unmistakable.  I tried to match it with my own.  “Awesome, I’m glad you feel better.”

Seriously, she is my jelly (you didn’t think she was the peanut butter!) and I worried about her, but . . . I guess every marriage has its ups and downs.

Silence is Golden they say, but nothing is more comforting than a familiar voice on a cold night (Even if it’s telling me to turn off the Play Station).

And she said I couldn’t be trained.

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Filed under Humor, musings, Philosophy, Romance

What’s Better than 1 Free Book?

60 Free Books!

It’s like books falling from the sky, except these are ebooks, so it doesn’t hurt to catch them (Well, I’m assuming it doesn’t hurt. I’ve never tried to catch one).

The Order of the Wolf is included in a Secret Worlds – Fantasy Giveaway sponsored by Books Go Social.  Sixty fantasy novels by various authors all in one place.

So if you’re a fantasy fiend, check them out.  If you like secret worlds, check them out.  If you like free books, check them out.  Oh heck, just check them out.

Don’t forget to leave a review (Amazon, Kobo, your grandma’s blog)  if you decide to read my book.  Reader feedback is like popcorn at the movies – you can’t get enough. (And don’t forget the Reese’s Cups)

(Okay, I just stumbled upon Grandma’s Briefs when writing this blog post, but it was such a cool site that I had to throw it in here.)

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Filed under Books, Fantasy, Free, Writing

Broadswords and Blasters

Broadswords and Blasters

Today my short story “Granny May Saves the Day” is out in Broadswords and Blasters magazine.  The story is about a grandma who ain’t afraid of nothin’, and her side-kick grandson who coerces the townsfolk for sweets to keep her out of their hair.  They had a great racket going until them alien critters showed up.

Also, my blog tour rolls on with my Kingdom of Haven series being showcased on the Bound 2 Escape book blog.

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Filed under Marketing, Pulp Stories, Reading, Short Story

Reading Woes

To be a good writer, you have to be a reader.

That’s what you hear, right?  So you say to your writer self, “You need to read more books.”  Then you set reading goals.  It suddenly becomes work (ugh).

How many books did you plan to read this year?  Did you reach your goal?  I did, but I’m not overly excited about it.  I planned to read a book a month at a minimum, and that’s what I read.  Not actually a book a month, but twelve books over the course of the year. I’m not excited because I used to read twelve books in a single month.

My reading has dropped off in the last couple of years for a variety of reasons:

  • My eyes aren’t what they used to be — Yep, I’ve been alive for over half a century. I wear glasses to read, and I get headaches if I read too long.  It’s probably because I need a stronger pair of reading glasses, but you know how us old people are: (Cue my old man voice)”These are just fine, thank you very much!”
  • I am an Indie author — Much of the time I used to spend reading has been taken over by writer things like social media and critique groups. I actually read a lot more than twelve books this past year if you count up all the critiques for fellow writers.  Also, when you deal with the written word regularly, it’s nice to seek your entertainment in other venues which leads to the next reason:
  • I suffer from EDEO — I’m Easily Distracted by Entertainment Options. When I was younger, there were only three channels on television (I never counted that UHF channel that always came in fuzzy).  Other entertainment options were to listen to the radio or read.  No wonder I read so much as a kid.  Now there are so many entertainment options to choose from that reading gets lost in the shuffle.  Don’t get me wrong, I still love to read a good book, but it’s so much easier to flip to Netflix or play a game on my PS4 (especially after working on the computer all day for work and writing).

Given all this, I decided that twelve books was a good number.  What did I read?

  • 5 historical fiction novels
  • 4 historical fantasy novels
  • 1 straight up fantasy novel
  • 1 science fiction novel
  • 1 nonfiction historical/philosophy text

Yes, historical fiction has been my favorite genre for a few years.  It has much in common with the fantasy genre and often the lines are blurred between the two (historical fantasy?  I’m sure it’s a genre).

Of all the books I read this year, I would have to say I enjoyed the Gaius Ruso Mystery series by Ruth Downie the most.  She is a British author and these books were hard to find for awhile.  I read the first three or four books a few years ago and finally found the rest this year (Yes, I finally looked on Amazon for them—my old bookstore habits are hard to break).  The series is set in Ancient Rome—mostly in Roman Britannia—and follows the crime-solving exploits of Gaius Ruso, a Medicus in the Roman army.  Give them a read if you enjoy a good mystery set in Roman Britannia.

I don’t usually make New Year’s resolutions, but I do plan to pick up the reading pace in 2018.  Of course, I’m planning to publish two books in 2018 as well.  We’ll see how it goes.

Happy New Year!

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Filed under Books, Reading, Writing